Women and Leadership in Buddhism:
Yasodhara
"In the kingdom of Kapila, king Suddhodana was expecting a child. These were not to be ordinary children. Auspicious signs pointed to this being their last round of birth and death, and they both had the signs of either being great secular or great religious leaders. Because of this it was proclaimed that both children were to be sons. But this was not to be the case with Kind Suppabuddha's child, who was born female. Disappointed that his child was a girl but honored at her auspicious signs, the kind bowed before her. Her name was Yasodhara. A week after her birth her mother passed away, and Yasodhara was schooled and raised by the court tutors. This is beginning of the enlightenment story of Yasodhara, the wife of Siddhartha.
Yasodhara grew up to be a beautiful, generous, and loving young woman. She questioned why her servantsdid not eat the same food as the members of the palace. It never seemed fair to her that some had so much while others suffered with so little. When she turned 16 she heard that her cousin Siddhartha was preparing to pick a bride. All the eligible girls from miles around venturedto Kapila to meet this handsome, intelligent young man. Yasodhara had heard of Siddhartha from her brother Devadatta. Devadatta told a story about how he had shot down a swan in sight. Siddhartha revived the bird and claimed it as his own.
When Yasodhara heard this story, she very much wanted to meet this compassionate young man who questioned his culture’s values, the prize of the hunt.Like all the other eligible girls, Yasodhara took the trip to her cousin’s palace. When she walked into the room where Siddhartha was greeting the young women, his eyes met hers, and Siddhartha felt a deep stirring. He knew he had loved her over many lifetimes. They both felt this ancient recognition and fell deeply in love. Siddhartha got down on one knee and offered Yasodhara his ornament, asking her to be his bride. Yasodhara came back home and told her father the good news. A look of concern for his beloved daughter crossed King Suppabuddha’s face.
He leaned close to her. “You know, dear daughter, the signs are that Siddhartha will go off and leave his family to pursue enlightenment.” “Yes father, I know this,” Yasodhara replied, “but I will have none other than Siddhartha for my husband. We have been promised to one another over many lifetimes. !is is to be our last and we are to do it together.”
Yasodhara was not passively given to Siddhartha, she chose to be with him, and he chose to be with her. Not once, but twice, Siddhartha knelt before her asking if she would be his wife. Even though Yasodhara knew that Siddhartha would someday leave, even though everyone told her that the four heavenly messengers would call him away from palace life, she was not deterred from intermingling her destiny with his. Was there even a choice?
The two deeply spiritual and compassionate beings had helped and supported one another over many lifetimes. Their compassion showed in their shared concern about inequalities in their culture and their shared dream of abolishing the caste system. Siddhartha not only honored and respected Yasodhara, he felt great joy in her presence. They played and laughed and made love and shared dreams of a better world for 13 years before the birth of their son. When it came time for Siddhartha to leave the palace in pursuit of enlightenment he did not abandon a helpless wife and child, but went out to seek the end of suffering for her, for his son, and for allsentient beings. On the brink of enlightenment herself, Yasodhara understood this. Yet, she was also a mortal woman and would miss her beloved companion.
After Siddhartha left", Yasodhara heard that he had relinquished his fine clothing and had taken to wearing simple yellow robes. She too donned simple yellow robes and gave up wearing jewels. When she heard that he wastaking only one meal a day, she also took only one meal a day. When she heard he slept on low, hard beds, she gave up the luxurious palace beds and slept as he did. And when she heard he had given up garlands and perfumes she did so as well. As Siddhartha pursued enlightenment outside the palace gates, Yasodhara joined him on the path within hearth and home. This was, after all, to be her last round of birth and death as well. She was a laywoman raising her son, but that did not change her auspicious destiny. Staying home did not mean she could not join her beloved husband on his journey towards enlightenment. Although they each played different roles in the enlightenment story, he seeking enlightenment outside the palace while she stayed within, their intent and focus remained in alignment.
Although her father and father-in-law asked Yasodhara to stay at the palace and rule the two kingdoms, she was drawn to fulfill her spiritual destiny. She entered the order of nuns at the same time as Mahapajapati Gotami. Rahula joined the order of monks as well. Among the hundreds of Bhikkhuni Arahants, Yasodhara was one of the Buddha’s 13 great Bhikkhuni disciples. She attained supernormal powers and was able to recall infinite eras of the past. One night Yasodhara came to the Buddha and said, “Tonight I am going to die.” She came to thank him for showing her the path. She told the man who was once her husband and had become her teacher, “I am my own refuge.” Then she preceded her husband into the deathless realm."
http://www.bhikkhuni.net/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/yasodhara.pdf
Yasodhara grew up to be a beautiful, generous, and loving young woman. She questioned why her servantsdid not eat the same food as the members of the palace. It never seemed fair to her that some had so much while others suffered with so little. When she turned 16 she heard that her cousin Siddhartha was preparing to pick a bride. All the eligible girls from miles around venturedto Kapila to meet this handsome, intelligent young man. Yasodhara had heard of Siddhartha from her brother Devadatta. Devadatta told a story about how he had shot down a swan in sight. Siddhartha revived the bird and claimed it as his own.
When Yasodhara heard this story, she very much wanted to meet this compassionate young man who questioned his culture’s values, the prize of the hunt.Like all the other eligible girls, Yasodhara took the trip to her cousin’s palace. When she walked into the room where Siddhartha was greeting the young women, his eyes met hers, and Siddhartha felt a deep stirring. He knew he had loved her over many lifetimes. They both felt this ancient recognition and fell deeply in love. Siddhartha got down on one knee and offered Yasodhara his ornament, asking her to be his bride. Yasodhara came back home and told her father the good news. A look of concern for his beloved daughter crossed King Suppabuddha’s face.
He leaned close to her. “You know, dear daughter, the signs are that Siddhartha will go off and leave his family to pursue enlightenment.” “Yes father, I know this,” Yasodhara replied, “but I will have none other than Siddhartha for my husband. We have been promised to one another over many lifetimes. !is is to be our last and we are to do it together.”
Yasodhara was not passively given to Siddhartha, she chose to be with him, and he chose to be with her. Not once, but twice, Siddhartha knelt before her asking if she would be his wife. Even though Yasodhara knew that Siddhartha would someday leave, even though everyone told her that the four heavenly messengers would call him away from palace life, she was not deterred from intermingling her destiny with his. Was there even a choice?
The two deeply spiritual and compassionate beings had helped and supported one another over many lifetimes. Their compassion showed in their shared concern about inequalities in their culture and their shared dream of abolishing the caste system. Siddhartha not only honored and respected Yasodhara, he felt great joy in her presence. They played and laughed and made love and shared dreams of a better world for 13 years before the birth of their son. When it came time for Siddhartha to leave the palace in pursuit of enlightenment he did not abandon a helpless wife and child, but went out to seek the end of suffering for her, for his son, and for allsentient beings. On the brink of enlightenment herself, Yasodhara understood this. Yet, she was also a mortal woman and would miss her beloved companion.
After Siddhartha left", Yasodhara heard that he had relinquished his fine clothing and had taken to wearing simple yellow robes. She too donned simple yellow robes and gave up wearing jewels. When she heard that he wastaking only one meal a day, she also took only one meal a day. When she heard he slept on low, hard beds, she gave up the luxurious palace beds and slept as he did. And when she heard he had given up garlands and perfumes she did so as well. As Siddhartha pursued enlightenment outside the palace gates, Yasodhara joined him on the path within hearth and home. This was, after all, to be her last round of birth and death as well. She was a laywoman raising her son, but that did not change her auspicious destiny. Staying home did not mean she could not join her beloved husband on his journey towards enlightenment. Although they each played different roles in the enlightenment story, he seeking enlightenment outside the palace while she stayed within, their intent and focus remained in alignment.
Although her father and father-in-law asked Yasodhara to stay at the palace and rule the two kingdoms, she was drawn to fulfill her spiritual destiny. She entered the order of nuns at the same time as Mahapajapati Gotami. Rahula joined the order of monks as well. Among the hundreds of Bhikkhuni Arahants, Yasodhara was one of the Buddha’s 13 great Bhikkhuni disciples. She attained supernormal powers and was able to recall infinite eras of the past. One night Yasodhara came to the Buddha and said, “Tonight I am going to die.” She came to thank him for showing her the path. She told the man who was once her husband and had become her teacher, “I am my own refuge.” Then she preceded her husband into the deathless realm."
http://www.bhikkhuni.net/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/yasodhara.pdf